I spent years trying to use a map for London while I was trying to drive in Tokyo. Both are great cities, but the directions just don't work if you've got a map for the wrong city.

"If I would have tried to control that situation, we would not be together today. She needed to go through this... and if I would have tried to control the situation, it would have pushed her away 100%." — Kody Holt

Dave Harris: "It feels to me like probably at some point in everybody's life they have to go through a faith crisis. It may look different for other people... but I think at some point every one of us needs a set of trials that are going to be extremely challenging for us."

Tifani Holt: "Something I've learned from all of this is to be kind to everybody... because even if it looks like they're having a hard time or going through something that you don't really want to get involved in... just let them go through it. Be there for them and love them... because this is probably something that they need to go through and they need to learn their own way."

I have no problem talking to 100,000 people at a time. But the difference is, when I'm talking to you, all I have in front of me is a microphone and a camera. I don't know who all of you are... But you put me in a situation where I have to talk one-on-one with somebody, and that scares the daylights out of me. It just makes me so scared. Now, having said that, how about a group of people? Even worse. How about a room full of people that I need to interact with them on an individual basis? Holy moly, just the thought of it makes me freak out.

I thought a lot about this, and I think that a lot of times it's very lonely. A lot of time is spent helping the person who is struggling, who is going through the trial. I remember there was a time... when it was found out that he had an addiction, there were lots of people that would call. I kept like a notebook by the phone, and I would write down, 'So-and-so called, they said to tell you thank you,' or 'Tell you that they were thinking of you,' 'They loved you.' And it was this whole page full of people that called. And I remember standing there and I was like, 'What about me? Like, what about me?' And I think that was probably the hardest part—is we're focusing on the person, but we're not thinking about the people behind the person who are struggling.

"The cycle would be the idea, start planning, plan, plan, plan, keep going, and then be prevented from executing. Be stuck—that's what I would call it, is stuck. Then, be upset with yourself for not doing the thing that you wanted to do, and then get depressed about it. The funny thing about it, though, is you don't get depressed enough to actually do something about it... all that happens is the next day I feel worse. It’s more depression that comes in."

Kristy: "I’m sitting there on this trailer and my sister thought I was joking, but I had a massive seizure... she realized I wasn’t joking. She yelled at everyone to come over... When I had my seizure, I actually quit breathing. Everything stopped. I was gone."

Dave: "You... you had died."

Kristy: "Yeah."

“The Son of man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he."

Even as a child, that scripture had an effect on me. As an adult, it has a huge effect on me. The trials and experiences that I've had in my life have affected me for good. I know that to be the case. Even though seventh and eighth grade was the worst two years of my life, I can tell you that I have had many, many fantastic years since then, and even before that time as well. Being blessed with being able to get home from kindergarten and not being kidnapped by people who would just put me in the car and take me wherever, that is a huge blessing.

Him and I had talked about that story before he was in the hospital for the last time. It kind of to me is Ken's essence because he is very open-minded and he does look at things from a lot of different perspectives and views. Like you said, even in that last hospital stay, he was up and down and up and down. And that was quite a bit of the last part of our marriage was this up-and-down type of thing. It was scary to wonder what's going to happen. So I think it was his way of trying to have a sense of peace... of, we don't know what's going to come from this. It could be good. It could be bad.

We always ask ourselves, 'What could I have done differently? Is there something I could have done to prevent any sort of tragedy?' I remember the Saturday before my dad died—it was a two-hour drive to go check out some land for a cabin. That was my last time with him. When I got out of his pickup, I just said, 'See you later.' I didn't know that was the last time I was going to see him.

I’m not the kind of person that’s going to tell you to cherish every moment because 'death happens all the time.' We all know that. But I can tell you that when you've lost a father and two brothers in just a few years, you and your surviving siblings start looking at each other and asking: Who’s next? How do you survive that? For me, it’s about a mental 'work-around.' It’s about my faith, yes, but it’s also about the grueling, minute-by-minute work of controlling my thoughts—crumpling up the sadness like a piece of paper and throwing it away, over and over, until I can breathe again.

Derek opens up about his powerful personal journey, from battling a severe pain pill addiction and a life-altering arrest to finding healing through the support of others. Now a professional counselor, he shares his "three pillars" approach to wellness—physical, mental, and spiritual—and offers compassionate advice for those struggling with depression, ADHD, and the stigma of seeking help.

Dave shares a vulnerable and honest look at his journey from being a "study hall" regular in elementary school to struggling with a 1.87 GPA in high school. He reflects on the psychological toll of perfectionism and how setting the bar at "perfect" can lead to a cycle of perpetual disappointment.

The conversation dives deep into the realities of maintaining a marriage while managing mental health challenges. Shelly shares her perspective on the first decade of their marriage—before Dave’s ADHD diagnosis—and how his cycle of "losing interest" in projects and careers created a pattern of frequent moves and professional shifts.

Welcome to the maiden voyage of Navigating a Broken Vessel. In this introductory episode, host Dave Harris opens up about his lifelong journey with mental health, including his experiences with Major Depressive Disorder, ADHD, and anxiety. Dave explores the complex intersection of faith and mental wellness, specifically within the context of being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.